Don't Look Back.

djbeaker on Instagram

Sun, 12 May 2013 03:31:41 -0700

djbeaker on Instagram:

follow me on instagram! also, kik me. i dont bite much

how pimp is this! i love this set. gotta find a girl to wear it!...

Sun, 12 May 2013 03:26:45 -0700

how pimp is this! i love this set. gotta find a girl to wear it! lol

super amazing

Wed, 08 May 2013 04:43:10 -0700

super amazing

hehe. goin to the movies. i hope its awesome cuz i found a new...

Fri, 03 May 2013 20:13:46 -0700

hehe. goin to the movies. i hope its awesome cuz i found a new pimptastic movie theater!

from left to right; I am afraid to hold my boyfriend’s hand. My...

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 03:40:11 -0700

from left to right;

I am afraid to hold my boyfriend’s hand.

My friend’s parents sent her away.

I found death threats in my locker.

I submitted to electroshock therapy.

I lost half my friends after coming out.

My grandmother sends me hate mail.

My school won’t let me take my date to prom.

I am not here anymore.

My dad tried to beat it out of me.

No one is proud of me.

some times, u have to repost things.

cuz i feel i need to be more happy and bubbly. you really are.

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 03:16:21 -0700

cuz i feel i need to be more happy and bubbly. you really are.

pretty damn epic huh?

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 02:17:21 -0700

pretty damn epic huh?

some times. you just have to wait. im waiting. it’ll...

Fri, 05 Apr 2013 03:54:50 -0700

some times. you just have to wait. im waiting. it’ll happen. just keep hopeful

never shy away from love. if you love some one, dont hide them....

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 04:09:07 -0700

never shy away from love. if you love some one, dont hide them. let the love shine like a bright star.

i laughed

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 20:51:25 -0700

i laughed

every once in a while you need a pony.

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 19:12:28 -0700

every once in a while you need a pony.

ive been in an inspired story telling mode recently. i miss...

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 03:13:50 -0700

ive been in an inspired story telling mode recently. i miss love. as much as i hate it cuz it hurts. i miss it. i miss the butterflys. no matter how old you get, they always feel like the first time.

some times, you just gotta let it go. this is my wall paper atm...

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 01:24:49 -0700

some times, you just gotta let it go. this is my wall paper atm :)

learning some times isnt fun

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 04:25:00 -0700

i dont post on here much. ive been busy. been down. way down. learning who your real friends are… its not just hard. its down right depressing. there are some people i didnt just consider close. i loved them. people i wanted to dance the night away with. float down a river with. go get tattoos. live. instead. over the past few weeks, i watched my best friend slip further and further away from me. i see her dying. literally. and i cant fix it. shes lost hope. my positive optimism makes her mad now. my hugs and attempts at comfort make her scream “this is only going to hurt you more. leave me alone”

years ago, i made a friend in arizona. we were so close, i moved in with her on 20 hours notice so she could keep her apartment. i watched her get married last month. since she started dating mr jealous man, ive seen her exactly twice. both times she had to sneak off and literally leave the state to see me. just before the wedding. i held her in my arms and told her “no matter what. imma be here. even if you disappear for a while. i’ll be right where you left me when you come back” she told me her hubby would kill her if he heard that…. and that makes me the problem. ive gotten 3 texts from her this month. the last one said “dont reply pls. i bought a house. i planted a rose bush in honor of you. i hope you can still be happy for me even when i have to hide you”…

and finally, i met a girl on tumblr. shes funny, friendly, listens to awesome music and happens to be gorgeous. she changed my life for the better. she gave me hope. inspired me and supported me. she kept me working hard towards my goals. kept me dreaming. she wasnt always positive and bubbly, but she was always down for what ever. shed ask for help and id do what i could. id ask for help and she was always there. our plans… man, did we make plans. not just lofty dreams. but dreams the size of the galaxy. it was by far the closest i ever got to some one i never met. i got butterflies when id check the mail. id smile when id see dozens of notifications or emails. she didnt blow up at me tho, she never told me i was a bastard or that my notes became annoying. she didnt tell me she didnt like me any more. she did something worse. she silently walked out. i didnt know she was gone until one morning i woke up to say hi… and she was no where to be found. no text, email, im, call. no letter. just an empty space. and as i laid there, wondering what i did wrong, i thought of every little thing we shared in my head. and realized that was the problem. i shared everything. and it was too much. i much rather would have had her say “i dont love you like i did a year ago. leave me alone, fucker” or “i found something that makes me happy” . i would have smiled and told her im happy for her. i would have lied to her every time shed ask. all i wanted was her to smile. with or with out me.

its off my chest now. out there for the world to see. 3 women. 3 people i truly love and respect. virtually gone. in under 3 weeks. when this is over and i can look back and smile, imma have fond memories of them. but for now, seeing their face hurts. hearing their name. not having a person to text to share funny stories with. and having to start over with even more trust issues. all of that makes learning not fun. for those of you who are reading this. im sorry for the trouble ive caused.

id love to sit here and contemplate my existence

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:25:28 -0800

id love to sit here and contemplate my existence

im just trying to clean up my tumblr folder. i’ll get back...

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:24:50 -0800

im just trying to clean up my tumblr folder. i’ll get back to sunsets and love soon!

things to think about.

Sun, 24 Feb 2013 02:23:56 -0800

things to think about.

this isnt dirty and hot at all.

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 03:01:26 -0800

this isnt dirty and hot at all.

isnt it perfect?

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 03:46:11 -0800

isnt it perfect?

couldnt be more true

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 03:28:43 -0800

luk3y:

2 more weeks until I don’t get laid on valentines day.